Me saying parenting is hard is the biggest understatement of all time. There is no course or training to prepare you to become a parent, and no certification is required to prove you know what you are doing.

How we tend to parent can depend on how we were raised or how we judge other parents. Not one parenting style works for every child all the time. I have three kids, and they are all different, and it requires me to wear different hats constantly.

Using a mix of styles, depending on the child and the situation, has allowed me to bond with them on their own terms. As a parent, it’s our responsibility to adapt and adjust our parenting style to meet their individual requirements.

Some children do well with structure and rules, while others prefer a more relaxed approach. It’s important to find a balance between being nurturing and setting boundaries. Being flexible is key in parenting because what works for one child may not work for another.

Parenting is more than just using different strategies; it’s about building a strong connection with our children. By using a mix of parenting styles, we can connect with each child in a way that resonates with them. This helps create a loving and supportive environment where they feel valued and understood.

Nobody is a perfect parent, and we all make mistakes. What matters is approaching parenting with love, patience, and an open mind. Every challenge and milestone helps us grow and learn as parents, guiding us through the beautiful and chaotic journey of raising children.

Parenting may be challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. Through ups and downs, we create deep bonds with our children that last a lifetime.

There are so many types of parenting styles which include:

Authoritative parenting style is considered the best approach. These parents encourage their child’s independence while setting reasonable boundaries on behavior. Authoritative parents are nurturing and supportive, which research shows leads to independent, self-reliant, and socially competent children.

This parenting style requires significant effort from parents, similar to being a manager in an office, responsible for overseeing everyone. However, it’s important to view parenting not just as a job but as a life experience. There is much to teach and learn during this phase of life.

Authoritarian – In this parenting style, the emphasis is on obedience and punishment rather than on collaboration and open communication. Authoritarian parents often enforce strict discipline and control without taking the child’s input or feedback into consideration. While this style can be effective in certain situations, relying solely on it can lead to resentment as the child grows older.

It is important for parents to find a balance between setting boundaries and being mindful of their reactions. In moderation, sometimes parents need to put their foot down and say, I’m not having it right now. I am the parent, and you need to follow directions.

But try not to do it in anger or out of frustration or because of unresolved issues from the past. Being mindful can help you identify specific triggers that affect how you respond.

Permissive parenting style is accepting and affirmative. It involves making fewer demands and avoiding strict control. Permissive parents tend to be more like friends than authority figures to their children. It is recommended to establish a solid foundation early on in your child’s life before implementing this style, possibly around high school (depending on the child).

This approach helps children transition into adulthood and learn to make independent decisions with guidance from their parents. However, if used too early, it may not provide enough structure and discipline.

Uninvolved/Neglectful parents are not supportive and fail to monitor or limit behavior. They are more focused on their own needs than on their children’s well-being. This can be considered as child neglect. If you or someone you know is dealing with mental health or substance abuse problems, it is important to seek help.

Based on your style, you can choose a method to go along with it. 

Parenting with Love & Logic is a method where children learn from their mistakes and the consequences of their choices. The approach involves adults setting firm but loving limits without anger or threats. The book, “Parenting with Love and Logic” by Foster W. Cline, explains how to avoid power struggles with children and allow them to experience natural consequences, except when they are unsafe. This approach can be liberating for parents.

Gentle parenting – focuses on fostering the qualities you want in your child by being compassionate and enforcing consistent boundaries. I think this style has its place during certain times. I also feel kids need a parent figure to help guide them with rules and expectations.

Free-range parenting encourages children to develop confidence, creativity, and problem-solving skills through independence. However, it is important to maintain a balance and not go to extremes.

Helicopter Parents pay very close attention to their children’s activities and schoolwork, aiming to protect them from pain and disappointment and help them succeed. This parenting style is characterized by excessive involvement in their children’s lives, often hovering over them.

Being overprotective can be a result of experiencing the harsh realities of the world. Personally, I am guilty of being a helicopter parent, especially with my firstborn. He was born prematurely at 26 weeks, and I witnessed his fight for survival.

Naturally, I felt an overwhelming need to shield him from everything. Even with my twin daughters, who were born without complications, I still felt the urge to meticulously plan their path to success.

However, relying too heavily on this parenting style can hinder children’s development. They may struggle with independent thinking and may lack confidence in their ability to make decisions.

Growing up, I had strong opinions about how my parents raised me. I had things I didn’t like and said I would do things differently when I became a parent. But despite my intentions, I found myself repeating the same behaviors as my parents. In fourth grade, I thought my mom yelled too much and vowed never to do the same.

However, one day, one of my twin girls told me, “Why do you yell so much? You are mean.” It made me realize that I was becoming like my mom, and I understood how she felt. It was a wake-up call for me to be more mindful in my interactions with my children and not repeat the same choices my parents made.

As a child, I didn’t fully grasp the stress my mom was under, and my dad, my brother, and I made things even harder for her. But now I understand that mindful parenting means acknowledging your past and letting go of your ego, desires, and attachments.

Here is how I used mindfulness to become a better parent.

1. Let go of the past – during my journey, I’ve learned to forgive my parents for not always getting it right. As an adult, I can see how life for a Jamaican immigrant and a poor girl from the Deep South had a lot going on.

Kids are not for the faint of heart. They will test you, and parents have to have their minds right to deal with it and not scar their children. I acknowledge my past and mindfully choose to live in the present.

2. Let go of expectations – most parents want their children to get good grades, go to the best schools, and have a slew of friends. Redefine what success and happiness mean for them, nurture them and give them the mental and emotional strength to gain it, whatever that is. 

3. Pay it forward – Our minds are genetically set to remember bad situations more often than good ones. I guess it’s a way to protect us from making the same mistakes. I had so many good memories growing up, and my parents made so many sacrifices for my brother and me.

I like to take all my parents’ good things and build on them. This is part of learning and growing and how each generation gets better than the generation before.

4. Stop being so serious – I had to get out of this idea of perfection based on some fairytale I’ve dreamed up. This is exhausting for them and for my husband and me. Even though it is important, I make sure everyone has their homework done and their teeth brushed and in bed on time, so they get enough sleep for their brains to function; it is also important to laugh and hug and say, I love you every day.

5. Be in the moment – Kids just want our love, understanding, and acceptance of who they are. And before we do something to mess it up, they just want us.

Take some time to just be with each other without having to rush off to some school event or practice. They will not be kids forever. Enjoy the ride. 

6. Breathe Chile – Everything is going to be OKAY!

The main message of this story is to stop overthinking and instead embrace your emotions. When it comes to parenting, listen to your heart and make sure your children like you when they grow up. Nobody wants to be the uncool parent.

Everything I discuss here is something I have used to help me. Breathe Chile is a movement to help the world through mindfulness, physical fitness, and positive motivation. I hope you will join me on the journey!